Disagree better newsletter

Fairness is the wrong measure when the heavy lifting all feels like ours.

The short trip from interpretation to conviction to conflict.

How to match the channel to the goal when disagreement shows up.

Naive realism is one of conflict’s most insidious traps.

A mathematician’s 1947 breakthrough gives us a useful mental model for moving through conflict.

The problem with legislating edge cases.

Three ways our minds derail smart, reasonable conversations, and what to do about it.

When someone raises their voice in frustration, one simple distinction can help you keep your balance and respond more skillfully.

What if the part of conflict we most want to avoid is precisely where we need to stay longer?

The way we deliver feedback can make the difference between instant defensiveness and thoughtful consideration. 

We’re remarkably confident about why people act the way they do. In disagreement, that certainty is a liability.

Small tests can launch big shifts. Here are tiny experiments to try out this year.

How to recognize deflection in the heat of the moment and respond in ways that keep things calm, clear, and on track.

When we try to change their heart or mind, we’re choosing an almost unsolvable problem. There is another approach.

How one short question can help you escape the fixed-pie trap and problem-solve creatively.

Magic phrases for taking responsibility and turning things around.

Runaway thoughts and catastrophizing hobble our conversations before they even begin.

In conflict, the secret to being heard isn’t better speaking; it’s better receiving.

We disagree better when we understand the ways our mental models help and hinder us during conflict.

One reason disagreements get messy is that people are on different train tracks and don’t know it.

That damn gravity.

For conflict in vital relationships, don’t overlook the conversation that comes before the problem-solving conversation

Stop a conflict’s past from holding you fast

Our conflict hooks influence the conflicts we get into, the ways we react, and how stuck we get.

The story we tell ourselves and others about a conflict isn’t the story of the conflict. It’s our story of the conflict. But what is it trying to tell us?

Effective communication requires both sending and receiving skills. This communication tool will help you do both.

Contributory dissent can drive creativity, critical thinking, and breakthrough solutions without undermining healthy dynamics.