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Tammy Lenski

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Fine-tuning communication skills and habits

Word choice, good questions, and good listening skills and habits contribute to effective communication. We disagree better when we align our verbal and nonverbal communication with intentions and attitudes that foster connection and build rapport.

Fine-tuning communication

How to say no persuasively

Being able to say no is essential for good day-to-day negotiating. Yet it can evoke anxiety about appearing obstructive, unkind, or unhelpful. If you want a way to keep yourself from saying yes when you really do need to say no, pack this research-supported technique in your toolkit.

Fine-tuning communication

A simple little technique for turning criticism into constructive feedback

Make it behavioral.

Fine-tuning communication

5 impactful phrases to interrupt habitual yelling

Some people do conflict loudly, whether due to familial or cultural roots, habit, or a low boiling point. When you want to interrupt someone’s habitual yelling during conflict, try to make the request without contributing to the fight. Someone screamed and yelled at me in public recently. Her anger had flared and yelling is her […]

Fine-tuning communication

How to ask questions like a pro

Questions are your stock-in-trade.

Fine-tuning communication

The key to handling arguments about respect

Feeling dissed? Here’s how to raise concerns about disrespect in a way that increases dialogue and decreases pushback. Twenty-seven years ago this past summer, I met my husband. Sometime in those first months of dating, he casually dropped a conversational bomb one day: Tammy, he said, you don’t treat me with respect when we disagree. […]

Fine-tuning communication

How to show you’re really listening without interrupting

Want to break the advice-giving habit but aren’t sure what to do instead? Want someone else to stop giving you unsolicited advice all the time? Here’s a good question to ask in those moments and a simple alternative to giving advice when what they really want is someone to listen. When someone tells you about […]

Fine-tuning communication

Be a better listener with these 3 everyday practices

It’s hard to get better at listening during conflict by practicing during conflict. If you want to be a better listener, practice outside of a difficult conversation. The stakes will be lower and it’ll be easier to be on top of your game. Here are three simple ways to practice being a good listener in […]

Fine-tuning communication

How to confront someone without seeming confrontational

Just a little wondering out loud.

Fine-tuning communication

Three essential components of highly effective listening

Pay attention to all three to make the most of this conflict resolution superpower.

Fine-tuning communication

Be a better listener with this one crucial habit

Support, don’t shift, even when you disagree.

Fine-tuning communication

Ghost rules

Come out of hiding, you pesky things.

Fine-tuning communication

To reduce defensiveness, build up the social bond

Don’t like their defensiveness dance? Change **your** dance steps.

Fine-tuning communication

Behind every criticism is a wish

Or, how to be a criticism translator

Fine-tuning communication

Break down listening barriers with these 4 questions

The rockstar duo: Good listening and good questions.

Fine-tuning communication

Five uncomplicated ways couples can turn arguments into discussions

Like having a mediator in the living room with you.

Fine-tuning communication

Spark a shift in perspective with this question

A good one for your favorite questions list.

Fine-tuning communication

How to influence the way people act during conflict

Beliefs can and do create social reality.

Fine-tuning communication

How to politely stop long-winded talkers

“At what point do I get to be the one to talk?”

Fine-tuning communication

5 bad listening habits and how to break them

Listening is not just waiting to talk

Fine-tuning communication

How to express a concern without making things worse

A soft start is just the ticket.

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