Being able to say no is essential for good day-to-day negotiating. Yet it can evoke anxiety about appearing obstructive, unkind, or unhelpful. If you want a way to keep yourself from saying yes when you really do need to say no, pack this research-supported technique in your toolkit.
Fine-tuning communication skills and habits
Word choice, good questions, and good listening skills and habits contribute to effective communication. We disagree better when we align our verbal and nonverbal communication with intentions and attitudes that foster connection and build rapport.
A simple little technique for turning criticism into constructive feedback
Make it behavioral.
5 impactful phrases to interrupt habitual yelling
Some people do conflict loudly, whether due to familial or cultural roots, habit, or a low boiling point. When you want to interrupt someone’s habitual yelling during conflict, try to make the request without contributing to the fight. Someone screamed and yelled at me in public recently. Her anger had flared and yelling is her […]
How to ask questions like a pro
Questions are your stock-in-trade.
The key to handling arguments about respect
Feeling dissed? Here’s how to raise concerns about disrespect in a way that increases dialogue and decreases pushback. Twenty-seven years ago this past summer, I met my husband. Sometime in those first months of dating, he casually dropped a conversational bomb one day: Tammy, he said, you don’t treat me with respect when we disagree. […]
How to show you’re really listening without interrupting
Want to break the advice-giving habit but aren’t sure what to do instead? Want someone else to stop giving you unsolicited advice all the time? Here’s a good question to ask in those moments and a simple alternative to giving advice when what they really want is someone to listen. When someone tells you about […]
Be a better listener with these 3 everyday practices
It’s hard to get better at listening during conflict by practicing during conflict. If you want to be a better listener, practice outside of a difficult conversation. The stakes will be lower and it’ll be easier to be on top of your game. Here are three simple ways to practice being a good listener in […]
How to confront someone without seeming confrontational
Just a little wondering out loud.
Three essential components of highly effective listening
Pay attention to all three to make the most of this conflict resolution superpower.
Be a better listener with this one crucial habit
Support, don’t shift, even when you disagree.
Ghost rules
Come out of hiding, you pesky things.
To reduce defensiveness, build up the social bond
Don’t like their defensiveness dance? Change **your** dance steps.
Behind every criticism is a wish
Or, how to be a criticism translator
Break down listening barriers with these 4 questions
The rockstar duo: Good listening and good questions.
Five uncomplicated ways couples can turn arguments into discussions
Like having a mediator in the living room with you.
Spark a shift in perspective with this question
A good one for your favorite questions list.
How to influence the way people act during conflict
Beliefs can and do create social reality.
How to politely stop long-winded talkers
“At what point do I get to be the one to talk?”
5 bad listening habits and how to break them
Listening is not just waiting to talk
How to express a concern without making things worse
A soft start is just the ticket.