As Ali said, champions are made in the gym, not in the ring.
Using good process
Good problem-solving process is like a reliable roadmap — it orients us to where we are, helps us identify an effective route to our desired destination, and helps us find an alternate route around obstructions. We disagree better when we have a coherent process for organizing information and navigating difficult conversations.
Disagreeing in front of others? Take it “offline”
Let’s not make it more complicated than we have to.
When opinions contrast sharply, practice scales
There’s a whole lotta gray between the black and the white.
Choosing the right conflict resolution tools
3 questions for choosing the right tool at the right time.
Start with a small yes
Use the psychology of agreement to start your conversation right.
Slow down and be the Bedouin
It’s all about frame of reference.
Do the next right thing
The best kind of experiment.
4 handy principles for deciding when you can’t agree
Fallback criteria save the day. Again.
Is the Einstellung effect interfering with your problem solving?
Another cognitive trap just waiting to spring on you.
The type of problem that makes conflict resolution harder
That damn gravity.
3 ways to turn adversaries into problem-solving partners
Stop trying to wrangle people into things. It’s way too much work.
Future-proof an agreement with a premortem
No DeLorean needed.
When the win-win solution is obscure
Learn from my pathetic post-grad school salary negotiation.
Sweeping conflict under the rug
What is that bump under the rug?
2 smart principles for resolving everyday disagreements
Not all disagreements require long talks to resolve them sufficiently. Sometimes you can use a pre-agreed principle to get them done and get on with your day. Here are two worth considering for your workplace team or family.
Think with your hands for better problem solving
New research is challenging the notion that thinking, problem solving, and decision making take place strictly in the head. And finally giving me some credibility after years of placing interactive toys in the middle of my mediation table. How do you put 17 animals in four pens in such a way that there is an […]
How starting a difficult conversation is like opening Fibber McGee’s closet
Starting a difficult conversation (or negotiation or mediation) can feel like opening Fibber McGee’s closet — chaotic, overwhelming, and hope-sucking. But don’t run. A colleague shared the closet metaphor with me years ago and I’ve passed it along to countless others since. The messy, over-filled hall closet was a running gag on the 1930s-1950s radio […]
Conflict resolution terms defined
A dispute is not the same as a conflict. Mediation is different from facilitation. I’ve had repeated requests for the language I use to describe and define common conflict resolution terms like these, so here’s the language I use and a PDF download suitable for printing.
Making peace with the conflict groan zone
“Get me outta here!” That’s the thought a lot of people have during workplace conflict. It’s the thought you have if you’re uncomfortable with conflict: I don’t like this. It’s messy. Maybe even painful. Get me outta here! It’s the thought you have if you’re too comfortable with conflict: This is going nowhere good. I’m […]
A loving letter to my mediation clients
My friend,
There are some things I want to say about mediation with me, things I hope you’ll ponder before we gather, things I hope will guide you as we talk. I may mention them a time or two during our time together.