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Tammy Lenski

Disagree better | Tammy Lenski

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Using good process

Good problem-solving process is like a reliable GPS — it orients us to where we are, guides us around obstructions, and helps us reach our destinations. We disagree better when we have a coherent process for organizing information and navigating difficult conversations.

Using good process

Don’t avoid small fights

As Ali said, champions are made in the gym, not in the ring.

Using good process

Disagreeing in front of others? Take it “offline”

Let’s not make it more complicated than we have to.

Using good process

When opinions contrast sharply, practice scales

There’s a whole lotta gray between the black and the white.

Using good process

Choosing the right conflict resolution tools

3 questions for choosing the right tool at the right time.

Using good process

Start with a small yes

Use the psychology of agreement to start your conversation right.

Using good process

Slow down and be the Bedouin

It’s all about frame of reference.

Using good process

Do the next right thing

The best kind of experiment.

Using good process

4 handy principles for deciding when you can’t agree

Fallback criteria save the day. Again.

Using good process

Is the Einstellung effect interfering with your problem solving?

Another cognitive trap just waiting to spring on you.

Using good process

The type of problem that makes conflict resolution harder

That damn gravity.

Using good process

3 ways to turn adversaries into problem-solving partners

Stop trying to wrangle people into things. It’s way too much work.

Using good process

Future-proof an agreement with a premortem

No DeLorean needed.

Using good process

When the win-win solution is obscure

Learn from my pathetic post-grad school salary negotiation.

Using good process

Sweeping conflict under the rug

What is that bump under the rug?

Using good process

2 smart principles for resolving everyday disagreements

Not all disagreements require long talks to resolve them sufficiently. Sometimes you can use a pre-agreed principle to get them done and get on with your day. Here are two worth considering for your workplace team or family.

Using good process

Think with your hands for better problem solving

New research is challenging the notion that thinking, problem solving, and decision making take place strictly in the head. And finally giving me some credibility after years of placing interactive toys in the middle of my mediation table. How do you put 17 animals in four pens in such a way that there is an […]

Using good process

How starting a difficult conversation is like opening Fibber McGee’s closet

Starting a difficult conversation (or negotiation or mediation) can feel like opening Fibber McGee’s closet — chaotic, overwhelming, and hope-sucking. But don’t run. A colleague shared the closet metaphor with me years ago and I’ve passed it along to countless others since. The messy, over-filled hall closet was a running gag on the 1930s-1950s radio […]

Using good process

Conflict resolution terms defined

A dispute is not the same as a conflict. Mediation is different from facilitation. I’ve had repeated requests for the language I use to describe and define common conflict resolution terms like these, so here’s the language I use and a PDF download suitable for printing.

Using good process

Making peace with the conflict groan zone

“Get me outta here!” That’s the thought a lot of people have during workplace conflict. It’s the thought you have if you’re uncomfortable with conflict: I don’t like this. It’s messy. Maybe even painful. Get me outta here! It’s the thought you have if you’re too comfortable with conflict: This is going nowhere good. I’m […]

Using good process

A loving letter to my mediation clients

My friend,

There are some things I want to say about mediation with me, things I hope you’ll ponder before we gather, things I hope will guide you as we talk. I may mention them a time or two during our time together.

[…Read on…]

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