The capacity to give one’s attention to a sufferer is a rare and difficult thing.
Cultivating emotional agility
The best conflict resolution and communication skills in the world are of little use if we can’t access them when we need them most. We disagree better when we can think clearly, respond nimbly, and regain our equilibrium in the face of difficult and stressful interactions.
Ask this simple question to help regulate emotions
Recognizing and naming an unwelcome emotion has a powerful effect on quelling it.
An uncomplicated mindfulness technique for managing the urge to lash out
Like riding a wave in your mind’s eye.
Anger resets
Like a reset button for your emotions.
The non-comeback comeback after an insult
Well, that’s the first time I’ve been called a lemming.
Introducing QueryCards
Self-coaching questions for conflict resolution.
Three alternatives to rumination after an argument
Never has a rubber duck been more helpful.
An uncomplicated way to reduce the pitfalls of emotional memories during conflict resolution
Don’t suppress or stifle — shift.
How to stop ruminating at night (other times too)
Go ahead, cozy on up to it.
A way to turn anger into curiosity
We’ll call this the George Takei method.
Ask yourself this kind of question when an argument rattles you
Use a centering question to get your balance back.
Fighting in a relationship: The gift of anger
I blew my top and my friend surprised me.
You make me so angry!
Just because they happen to be the one standing in front of you…
4 quick techniques to help you think straight in an argument
Access your good skills when you need them most.
Anxiety about a difficult conversation? Try this.
What a good use of 10 minutes.
A super simple method for regaining self-control
Just a trip down memory lane.
De-escalate anger with this straightforward invitation
Anger is a signal, not a defect.
Want someone to calm down? Don’t do this
I’ve written that anger is a messenger that won’t shut up until its message is heard and understood. But if the anger is so big or so loud you can’t hear straight, there are things you can do to help someone calm down. And a few things you shouldn’t do…like these five missteps. I’ve written […]
Want more self-control during conflict? Try appealing to your future self
Conflict can rob you of two precious mental faculties useful for sorting things out: The ability to view the situation from the other person’s perspective and the ability to check your impulses. New research suggests that your future self can help you recapture those abilities. Confrontations and conflict require self-control to resist the tempting words […]
The real message anger is trying to deliver
During conflict, focusing mostly on anger’s behavior instead of on anger’s real message is like burying the lede in a news story. It was the first day of high school journalism class for American journalist and filmmaker Nora Ephron. The subject of the day was how to write a lede. He began with a set […]
