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Tammy Lenski

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Cultivating emotional agility

The best conflict resolution and communication skills in the world are of little use if we can’t access them when we need them most. We disagree better when we can think clearly, respond nimbly, and regain our equilibrium in the face of difficult and stressful interactions.

Cultivating emotional agility

Ask this simple question to help regulate emotions

Recognizing and naming an unwelcome emotion has a powerful effect on quelling it.

Cultivating emotional agility

An uncomplicated mindfulness technique for managing the urge to lash out

Like riding a wave in your mind’s eye.

Cultivating emotional agility

Anger resets

Like a reset button for your emotions.

Cultivating emotional agility

The non-comeback comeback after an insult

Well, that’s the first time I’ve been called a lemming.

Cultivating emotional agility

Introducing QueryCards

Self-coaching questions for conflict resolution.

Cultivating emotional agility

Three alternatives to rumination after an argument

Never has a rubber duck been more helpful.

Cultivating emotional agility

An uncomplicated way to reduce the pitfalls of emotional memories during conflict resolution

Don’t suppress or stifle — shift.

Cultivating emotional agility

How to stop ruminating at night (other times too)

Go ahead, cozy on up to it.

Cultivating emotional agility

A way to turn anger into curiosity

We’ll call this the George Takei method.

Cultivating emotional agility

Ask yourself this kind of question when an argument rattles you

Use a centering question to get your balance back.

Cultivating emotional agility

Fighting in a relationship: The gift of anger

I blew my top and my friend surprised me.

Cultivating emotional agility

You make me so angry!

Just because they happen to be the one standing in front of you…

Cultivating emotional agility

4 quick techniques to help you think straight in an argument

Access your good skills when you need them most.

Cultivating emotional agility

Anxiety about a difficult conversation? Try this.

What a good use of 10 minutes.

Cultivating emotional agility

A super simple method for regaining self-control

Just a trip down memory lane.

Cultivating emotional agility

De-escalate anger with this straightforward invitation

Anger is a signal, not a defect.

Cultivating emotional agility

Want someone to calm down? Don’t do this

I’ve written that anger is a messenger that won’t shut up until its message is heard and understood. But if the anger is so big or so loud you can’t hear straight, there are things you can do to help someone calm down. And a few things you shouldn’t do…like these five missteps. I’ve written […]

Cultivating emotional agility

Want more self-control during conflict? Try appealing to your future self

Conflict can rob you of two precious mental faculties useful for sorting things out: The ability to view the situation from the other person’s perspective and the ability to check your impulses. New research suggests that your future self can help you recapture those abilities. Confrontations and conflict require self-control to resist the tempting words […]

Cultivating emotional agility

The real message anger is trying to deliver

During conflict, focusing mostly on anger’s behavior instead of on anger’s real message is like burying the lede in a news story. It was the first day of high school journalism class for American journalist and filmmaker Nora Ephron. The subject of the day was how to write a lede. He began with a set […]

Cultivating emotional agility

The art of dealing with insults

A traditional Zen koan, or story.

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