Regular small storms help us deal better with the occasional big ones.
Safeguarding the space between
Buffer your vital relationships from the negative effects of conflict.
What happens *after* conflict resolution?
Don’t let it drag you down.
7 tried-and-true ways to safeguard the space between
Get the conditions right.
Three threads at the heart of every argument
It doesn’t matter what you’re arguing about — the three threads are there.
Is a distancing spiral quietly damaging your important relationship?
Avoidance isn’t always a bad idea, but when it feeds a distancing spiral it sure is.
5 ways to deal proactively with conflict while working from home
We belong to each other. – Mother Teresa
How to disagree better
Have better disagreements in your personal and professional relationships.
Bedrock principles
Fundamental to my work with cients.
An effortless way to discern others’ emotions
Less is more.
Can this key ingredient protect your marriage from relationship conflict?
Psst: It’s not about “resolution.”
The space between
There’s a space that changes form and scale as we navigate our personal and business relationships. It’s the space between us, narrowing and softening when things are going well, widening and hardening in times of tension. The quality of our relationships, the degree of our happiness, and the success of our solutions are all influenced by The Space Between.
A remarkable tool for neutralizing the ravages of marital conflict
If 21 minutes of your time could make the difference between a marriage that’s crumbling and a marriage that grows stronger, would you do it? Hell, yeah. The following research-based writing activity can have a remarkably powerful impact on marital conflict. It’s free. It’s simple. And you don’t need anyone’s help to do it. We’ve […]
Kintsugi and the art of mending relationship conflict
Conflict in personal, professional and business relationships leaves permanent cracks and breaks behind. What if, instead of trying to ignore or hide the damage, we revered it, understanding that “better than new” is more valuable than “good as new”?
Friction with a colleague? Ask for a favor
When friction enters a working relationship, sometimes the best path through isn’t to dissect it and talk about it. Sometimes the best path through is an indirect one — ask for a favor from them. Just like Ben Franklin suggested.
How “being with” is a powerful way to help
What does it mean to hold the space for someone who’s trying to get somewhere different in a conflict? And how do we hold that space, whether we’re a friend trying to help, a manager trying to intervene, or a mediator trying to find a path to resolution? Brilliant writer, teacher, and social activist Parker […]
Learning from Maori tradition: Whakawhanaungatanga
Whakawhanaungatanga is a Māori process for establishing relationships and connection. I explore whakawhanaungatanga with New Zealanders Hilary Unwin and Pereri Hathaway in this audio interview.
When tension continues after conflict seems resolved
Even after a dispute is resolved, conflict and tension can linger. Here’s how to find out what is stopping someone from letting go and moving on after conflict.
Overcoming resistance: Work with people, not on them
People are experts in their own experience
One powerful way to help ease the suffering in conflict
Conflict and suffering are confederates working in painful alliance, each feeding the other as if to ensure its own continued existence. If I turn away from the suffering in conflict, I deny a part of my clients’ experience. If I try to fix suffering, I assume a task that is not really mine to shoulder. […]
When good conflict resolution skills steer you wrong
Better conflict resolution skills alone will only get you so far. How you use them is what makes the real difference. One of my mediation grad students had an epiphany about this in the midst of an argument with her husband. My Interpersonal Conflict Resolution class was just getting underway when Kate, very animated as […]