• Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

Tammy Lenski

Conflict resolution for business, team, and personal relationships

  • Hello
  • Books
  • Courses
  • Archives
  • Subscribe
  • Contact

The art of dealing with insults

23 August 2016 by Tammy Lenski

This traditional Zen koan, or story, is known as The Gift of Insults. It offers a refreshing perspective on dealing with insults.

There was once an old man known for being able to defeat any challenger. His reputation extended throughout the land and many gathered to study under him.

One day a young warrior arrived at the old man’s village. He was determined to be the first to defeat the great master, since he had both physical strength and the ability to notice and exploit an opponent’s weakness.

The old master gladly accepted the young warrior’s challenge. As the two faced one another, the young warrior began to hurl insults at the old master. The verbal insults went on for hours, yet the old master merely stood there motionless and calm.

Finally, the young warrior exhausted himself. Defeated, he left.

The great master’s students gathered around the old man. “How could you endure such an indignity?” they wondered. “And how were you able to drive him away?”

“If someone comes to give you a gift and you do not receive it,” the master replied, “to whom does the gift belong?”

Suggested reading

Ting: The Chinese character for “listen”

Have you ever seen the Chinese character ting, to listen? Many of you will have seen this already, I’m sure. For those of you seeing it for the first time, I hope you enjoy it and save a copy for yourself.

Read the article

This article was first published in 2008.

  • Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)

Filed Under: Self-mastery, The space between

Footer

Disagree better

Get The Disagree Better Guide + free road-tested conflict resolution tools delivered to your inbox monthly

Uncopyright   ·   Site policies   ·   Search

Forgive the intrusion...
We use cookies to improve your browsing experience.
We like to eat them, too. Read the policy here.
I ACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.

Click to see the next question. Questions load randomly. Some have links for a deeper dive.

What is the problem WE are trying to solve here?
What else could this be?
What's holding my attention?
Who do I want to be?
It's real but is it true?
A week from now, will this have mattered?
What is the wish behind the criticism?
How has this affected me?
Am I being seen? Am I seeing?
What is the next right thing?
What would love do now?
What's the most important thing?
Why am I this angry?

QueryCards ©2021 Myiaccord LLC. All rights reserved.

image of the email series

7 ways to disagree better today

Seven proven practices you can use immediately. One a day for a week + monthly road-tested conflict resolution tools delivered to your inbox. No spam, unsubscribe anytime.

This companion download for the book is free — along with a free subscription to my monthly conflict resolution tools — when you register. Register just once to get full access to all downloads in my Resource Library:

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.