• Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

Tammy Lenski

Conflict resolution for business, team, and personal relationships

  • Hello
  • Books
  • Tools
  • Archives
  • Subscribe
  • Contact

How starting a difficult conversation is like opening Fibber McGee’s closet

26 July 2016 by Tammy Lenski

Starting a difficult conversation (or negotiation or mediation) can feel like opening Fibber McGee’s closet — chaotic, overwhelming, and hope-sucking. But don’t run.

the closet

A colleague shared the closet metaphor with me years ago and I’ve passed it along to countless others since. The messy, over-filled hall closet was a running gag on the 1930s-1950s radio show, Fibber McGee and Molly. Chaos ensued whenever someone opened the closet door and the contents spilled out (click here to listen to the closet door being opened).

When you start a difficult conversation, you’re opening that closet door. Things spill out, maybe things that have waited a while to see the light of day. Maybe one of them falls figuratively on your head and you see stars for a moment. It’s easy to stare at the mess in front of you and find even your best hopes quaking in their shoes.

But instead of looking at the entire mess and allowing it to overwhelm you, focus on one object, one small chunk.

Maybe you pick it up and turn it over in your hands, like you would the old baseball mitt that fell out of the messy hall closet. You say to yourself, hey, I remember this. Let’s talk about this.

Or maybe you put it back on the pile because a different small problem caught your attention. Or maybe you sort things a tiny bit first, putting the baseball equipment in one pile and the camping items in another.

Slowly, order is put to chaos. You discover that by working on one chunk at a time, and then another and another, you can get it done.

This post was originally published in 2013 and updated in 2016.

  • Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)

Filed Under: Good problem-solving process, The space between

Footer

Disagree better

Get The Disagree Better Guide + free road-tested conflict resolution tools delivered to your inbox monthly

Uncopyright   ·   Site policies   ·   Search

Forgive the intrusion...
We use cookies to improve your browsing experience.
We like to eat them, too. Read the policy here.
I ACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.

Click to see the next question. Questions load randomly. Some have links for a deeper dive.

How has this affected me?
What is the problem WE are trying to solve here?
What's the most important thing?
Am I being seen? Am I seeing?
Who do I want to be?
What's holding my attention?
A week from now, will this have mattered?
What else could this be?
What would love do now?
What is the wish behind the criticism?
It's real but is it true?
What is the next right thing?
Why am I this angry?

QueryCards ©2021 Myiaccord LLC. All rights reserved.

image of the email series

7 ways to disagree better today

Seven proven practices you can use immediately. One a day for a week + monthly road-tested conflict resolution tools delivered to your inbox. No spam, unsubscribe anytime.

This companion download for the book is free — along with a free subscription to my monthly conflict resolution tools — when you register. Register just once to get full access to all downloads in my Resource Library:

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.