How to ask good questions

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Learning how to ask good questions is an act of practicing your curiosity in low-stakes moments so you can access your skills when you need them in the more difficult moments. Good questions are born out of curiosity. Without curiosity, they’re just soul-less technique.

Good questions fall into three categories, each of which benefit from attention when trying to resolve conflict and create transformative conversations:

1. Learning Questions

Learning questions are questions asked with the intent to understand the other person and situation more fully. When you ask learning questions, be guided by these primary purposes:

• To help you understand the other(s)
• To help them understand each other (if you’re mediating) or to help them understand you (if you’re a party to the conflict)
• To help them understand themselves better — gain clarity

2. Imagining Questions

Imagining questions are questions asked with the intent to help shift focus from the past to the future…to help them imagine future possibility. In my experience, trying to move from understanding to option-generating is too difficult without first focusing on regaining as sense of possibility. When you ask imagining questions, then, be guided by these primary purposes:

• To focus attention on the future
• To help free from artificial restraints (help them break free from self-imposed limitations)
• To help create a mental state capable of possibility

3. Generative Questions

Generative questions are questions intended to generate solutions that will stand the test of time. When you ask generative questions, be guided by these primary purposes:

• To generate options for resolving the problem
• To weigh those options
• To select the best option(s)