Conflict is a dance with resistance. To choose our best moves, we need to make sense of their resistance and figure out how to dance with it.
This compilation of strategies for navigating resistance is the first in a new occasional series pointing you to information on a specific, narrow conflict resolution subtopic.
Here are five practical and effective ways to navigate resistance and work through pushback when there’s disagreement:
1. Know that pushback is natural and not necessarily a conscious attempt to thwart you
Someone who resists your idea is not necessarily unreasonable or deliberately attempting to thwart you. It is natural for resistance to build when there’s disagreement, a low-grade subconscious arms race of sorts. There are many reasons this happens, including these.
2. Figure out what you’re missing
Even when you’re sure you understand what’s driving their resistance, ask this kind of “why” question anyway. Benevolent curiosity will help reduce the back-and-forth battle of wills that resistance can evoke.
3. View them as your problem-solving partner
When someone resists, it’s seductive to move into an adversarial stance. You’ll have more luck overcoming resistance by making them your dance partner instead of your sparring partner.
4. Make it behavioral
When you offer feedback, don’t lead with your interpretation of their behavior because that tends to increase resistance. Instead, make your feedback behavioral. It’s a top tool for your conflict resolution toolbox.
5. Join the resistance
Trying to persuade someone out of their resistance too often turns into an exercise in frustration. There’s a better way: Join the resistance.
6. Practice radical acceptance
Radical acceptance means to embrace, even briefly, something that frightens, frustrates, or troubles you. Instead of resisting their resistance, stop fighting it long enough to see what you might learn or where it might lead you.
7. Provide a reason for your request
You may be able to pre-empt resistance entirely by the way you make your request.
8. Frame it in freedom-of-choice language
Two aspects of human nature can create nearly automatic resistance to an idea. Change your language to make your idea more appealing.
9. Tweak the situation
Situation problems can cause behavior problems. The reverse can also be true: Situation changes can improve behavior problems.