How do you decide when to confront a conflict…and if it’s worth confronting? I asked this question of several different clients recently and here’s what I learned about their confrontation measuring sticks:
- If it’s keeping me awake at night, I know there’s something I need to address.
- I run it by my easygoing brother…if he thinks it’s worth pursuing, then I know I’m not over-reacting.
- My personality is to avoid like the plague, so I’m learning to ask myself if the relationship could suffer because I’m being cowardly.
- I don’t pursue others’ transgressions immediately. In a week or two, if the pattern continues or it’s still on my mind, then I’ll approach them about it.
- I gauge it by how serious the impact is. If it’s a minor thing, I try to shrug it off. If I think it’s a big deal or could become a big deal, I try to address it early.
Mine is this: When I’m 80, will this one have mattered? It’s stood me in good stead for years. Occasionally, I modify it on the fly and ask myself, Will I even remember this irritation in a month?
What’s your measuring stick for knowing when to confront a conflict?