• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
Tammy Lenski

Tammy Lenski

Disagree better | Tammy Lenski

  • Hello
  • Articles
  • Podcast
  • Books
  • Resources
  • Contact
  • Subscribe

Choosing good process

Don’t waste time on what really happened…it’s unknowable

TweetLinkedInFacebookPinEmail

“Our memories are not designed to provide a truthful readout of the events of our lives. Memory is designed to help us act in the future.”

I read this quote in a Psychology Today article about how observing actions influences our memory of those actions. It sums up beautifully the way we can use and misuse our memory of a conflict conversation.

Stop thinking of your memory as an accurate readout of what happened in the conflict – using memory this way is a sure way to get you more stuck (see my articles here and here and here for reasons why). Short of a recording of the conflict conversation you remember, the “truth” and “what really happened” are unknowable – your truth is the narrative your mind created from the experience.

Instead, use your memories of the conflict to create a different future. That’s where the power is. That’s where the relief is.

TweetLinkedInFacebookPinEmail

Primary Sidebar

Footer

  • Safeguarding the space between
  • Fine-tuning communication
  • Maintaining composure
  • Recognizing mental models
  • Choosing good process
  • Site policies
  • Search
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Spotify
  • Mail

  • Safeguarding the space between
  • Fine-tuning communication
  • Maintaining composure
  • Recognizing mental models
  • Choosing good process
Share this ArticleLike this article? Email it to a friend!

Email sent!