• Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

Tammy Lenski

Conflict resolution for business, team, and personal relationships

  • Hello
  • Books
  • Courses
  • Archives
  • Subscribe
  • Contact

Channeling Elaine: How Seinfeld helped me apologize

27 September 2006 by Tammy Lenski

My Man from the Midwest, R, is a major Seinfeld fan. He still tunes in old episodes many evenings, though they’re all pretty well known to him already. I enjoyed Seinfeld when it was originally on t.v. but am not generally someone who wants to see any show again and again…and again.

But Elaine came to my rescue the other day, bless her. So maybe all that viewing paid off. If you’re not familiar with Seinfeld, Elaine (played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus) was one of the primary characters.

Some background and context is surely in order here. Elaine couldn’t dance. No, worse than that. Elaine’s dancing was like new age dance moves done by a Night of the Living Dead character. Just picture that for a moment. There was one episode in particular in which her frighteningly funny moves were the focus and Rod knows that episode well.

So, back to the present: I said something I shouldn’t have. To R. It was grumpy and mean-spirited. It came out of my mouth before I thought about it and hung there in the air, threatening to ruin a perfectly decent evening. Uh oh. Bad Tammy. Bad, bad Tammy.

R got that look on his face he gets when he doesn’t like the way I’ve said something. But, since he’s the Man from the Midwest, he naturally didn’t say anything. Just sat there with that look.

I considered trying to take it back. Nope, this called for something more drastic. I stood up.

I was going to go over and hug him. But for some reason, a vision of Elaine came into my head. So, I danced. I stood in the middle of the living room floor and did some stupid Elaine dance moves.

R recognized them immediately. And it was such an absurd act, he started to laugh. And then I started to laugh, because they felt as absurd to do as to see. As I danced, I told him this was my version of an apology. He just shook his head at my pathetic-ness. But he was grinning at the same time.

Apology and conflict resolution by channeling Elaine. Who knew? Sometimes, stupid verbal acts call for absurdist apologies to balance them. What have you done that’s absurd lately?

  • Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)

Filed Under: Effective communication

Footer

Disagree better

Get The Disagree Better Guide + free road-tested conflict resolution tools delivered to your inbox monthly

Uncopyright   ·   Site policies   ·   Search

Forgive the intrusion...
We use cookies to improve your browsing experience.
We like to eat them, too. Read the policy here.
I ACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.

Click to see the next question. Questions load randomly. Some have links for a deeper dive.

What else could this be?
Why am I this angry?
What is the next right thing?
What would love do now?
A week from now, will this have mattered?
Am I being seen? Am I seeing?
What is the wish behind the criticism?
How has this affected me?
What's the most important thing?
Who do I want to be?
What is the problem WE are trying to solve here?
It's real but is it true?
What's holding my attention?

QueryCards ©2021 Myiaccord LLC. All rights reserved.

image of the email series

7 ways to disagree better today

Seven proven practices you can use immediately. One a day for a week + monthly road-tested conflict resolution tools delivered to your inbox. No spam, unsubscribe anytime.

This companion download for the book is free — along with a free subscription to my monthly conflict resolution tools — when you register. Register just once to get full access to all downloads in my Resource Library:

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.