Conflict and suffering are confederates working in painful alliance, each feeding the other as if to ensure its own continued existence. If I turn away from the suffering in conflict, I deny a part of my clients’ experience. If I try to fix suffering, I assume a task that is not really mine to shoulder. […]
Safeguarding the space between
The "space between" is the figurative space between us. Conflict and friction can damage the space between, but there are things we can do to buffer our vital relationships from the negative effects of conflict. We disagree better when we negotiate in ways that both honor and safeguard the space between.
When good conflict resolution skills steer you wrong
Better conflict resolution skills alone will only get you so far. How you use them is what makes the real difference. One of my mediation grad students had an epiphany about this in the midst of an argument with her husband. My Interpersonal Conflict Resolution class was just getting underway when Kate, very animated as […]
9 holiday conflict survival tips from a mediator
There’s no time like the holidays for good cheer and jolly times with family. And the stress that leads to conflict. Since life is short and the holiday season comes around just once a year, here are a professional mediator’s tips for disarming holiday conflict so you can focus on the joy and fun instead.
The everyday activity that can set the stage for a less difficult conversation
Hungry or not
The fine line
The trajectory we start on doesn’t have to be the trajectory we stay on.
The 15-minute self-mediation
Like a mediator in your living room.
4 simple stress-free holiday tips
A writer for Coca-Cola asked me for some stress-free holiday tips. Here’s my first tip and a link to the rest of the article:
1. Stay Well Fed
Lenski’s top tip for keeping calm is fairly simple to achieve in a time of year when food is often abundant. “Don’t let yourself get ‘hangry,’” she says.
“The self-control needed to deal with anger and aggression takes energy and our brains get that energy partly from glucose,” Lenski explains. “If we haven’t eaten properly, low blood sugar makes it harder to deal with confrontations and can cause us to lash out.”
If you find yourself saying something you might regret…
Radio show interview on KUCI 88.9 FM
Mari Frank, host of the Prescriptions for Healing Conflict radio show on KUCI 88.9 FM, interviewed me for the show. If you weren’t able to listen live, here’s the recording:
The leader’s guide to conflict pivots
If you’re a leader or manager, then part of your job is to help your people handle conflict optimally and resolve team conflict effectively. In some research I conducted a while back, leaders and managers said that they spent up to 40% of their time resolving conflict in workplace teams or helping specific team members […]
The mediator’s guide to conflict pivots
The Conflict Pivot isn’t only for people who want to resolve their own conflicts. It’s for mediators and other conflict resolution professionals like you and me, too–people who help people resolve their conflicts. I’ve been using the book’s principles and approaches in my mediations and consulting for years now and it’s changed the way I […]