Safeguarding the space between

I tell my clients and grad students that compromise, or settlement by concession, is a dirty word in relationship negotiations. A quick story to illustrate: The scene: A home decorating show on television. The characters: Wife, husband, interior decorator. The setting: Couple’s living room with a big, blank, newly painted wall behind the beautiful new […]

I’ve written a short guide is intended to give you a concise overview of interpersonal conflict resolution at work or home. If you’re intrepid and willing to experiment, the ideas presented here will point you in a direction. Conflict is complicated and most of us cannot possibly remember a long recipe of things to do […]

In early 2006, I mediated a dispute between two siblings in conflict over their mother’s estate. The total value of the estate was nearly $1 million and the financial stakes were high.

Conflict coaches and professional mediators like me help people unclutter and untangle conflicts. We know how to step into the puzzle with you and figure out what pieces go where. With the right thoughts, you can do it for yourself, too. Here are 20 ways to move yourself toward the simple, uncluttered thoughts that will […]

When you negotiate an agreement with someone with whom you’ve been in conflict, it may feel like the finish point. Settled, resolved, end of story. Actually, it’s the start of a new story, as author and creative-thinking expert Michael Michalko beautifully points out in the following story. Michael’s the mind behind Thinkertoys: A Handbook of […]

Rod: We don’t do conflict in the Midwest. Me: Oh yes, you do. You just do it in silence. And let it build up to the once-in-a-decade mega-explosion. Rod: Those Scandinavian roots run deep. We don’t do conflict. We avoid conflict. You New Yorkers could learn a thing or two from us. Me: Like what? […]

When I was in my 20s and my mother was still alive, she broke her hip a few weeks before Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was a major family event each year and my mom had always done it all. Stuck in a wheelchair, she was sad and unhappy that she wouldn’t be able to handle Thanksgiving that […]

Earlier in the summer the New York Times Sunday magazine featured a story that ultimately proved so popular that it was emailed around the globe and became the fodder of many a blogger. I blogged about it too, after my husband emailed a copy of the article along with the note, “Now that one woman […]

Part 1 of 4 I wanted to know what my students would tell others about the act of stepping up to a difficult conversation, now that they had, albeit by force of assignment, completed their own. Here’s what they told me:

Part 3 of 4 With the fears lingering in the air, I asked students their greatest hopes going into their difficult conversations. Hope can calm fear. Their hopes were simple and straightforward, neither grandiose nor insignificant:

Part 2 of 4 I asked my grad students what their greatest fears were before having the difficult conversations they’d chosen. They named the kinds of fears you and I would probably name, too:

Part 1 of 4 In Interpersonal Conflict, my all-time favorite course to teach, there is an assignment that often strikes fear in the hearts of my students. I try not to relish their fear too much. These are adult students whose ages typically range from 30-60, all studying for a master’s degree in mediation and […]

There’s a story circulating on the web. I’m dubious that it’s true. But, true or not, I’m drawn to the story because it illustrates an important way to help someone who’s in a difficult situation: Bestselling author Leo Buscaglia was asked to judge a contest to find the “most caring child.” The winner was a […]