When you negotiate an agreement with someone with whom you’ve been in conflict, it may feel like the finish point. Settled, resolved, end of story. Actually, it’s the start of a new story, as author and creative-thinking expert Michael Michalko beautifully points out in the following story. Michael’s the mind behind Thinkertoys: A Handbook of […]
Safeguarding the space between
Buffer your vital relationships from the negative effects of conflict.
We don’t do conflict in the Midwest
Rod: We don’t do conflict in the Midwest. Me: Oh yes, you do. You just do it in silence. And let it build up to the once-in-a-decade mega-explosion. Rod: Those Scandinavian roots run deep. We don’t do conflict. We avoid conflict. You New Yorkers could learn a thing or two from us. Me: Like what? […]
The most disastrous Thanksgiving ever
When I was in my 20s and my mother was still alive, she broke her hip a few weeks before Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was a major family event each year and my mom had always done it all. Stuck in a wheelchair, she was sad and unhappy that she wouldn’t be able to handle Thanksgiving that […]
The Shamu maneuver causes a stir
Earlier in the summer the New York Times Sunday magazine featured a story that ultimately proved so popular that it was emailed around the globe and became the fodder of many a blogger. I blogged about it too, after my husband emailed a copy of the article along with the note, “Now that one woman […]
Stepping up to difficult conversations: What my grad students would tell you
Part 1 of 4 I wanted to know what my students would tell others about the act of stepping up to a difficult conversation, now that they had, albeit by force of assignment, completed their own. Here’s what they told me:
Stepping up to difficult conversations: Know your strongest hopes
Part 3 of 4 With the fears lingering in the air, I asked students their greatest hopes going into their difficult conversations. Hope can calm fear. Their hopes were simple and straightforward, neither grandiose nor insignificant:
Stepping up to difficult conversations: Fear is normal
Part 2 of 4 I asked my grad students what their greatest fears were before having the difficult conversations they’d chosen. They named the kinds of fears you and I would probably name, too:
Stepping up to difficult conversations: What my grad students taught me
Part 1 of 4 In Interpersonal Conflict, my all-time favorite course to teach, there is an assignment that often strikes fear in the hearts of my students. I try not to relish their fear too much. These are adult students whose ages typically range from 30-60, all studying for a master’s degree in mediation and […]
In difficult situations, just being there may be enough
There’s a story circulating on the web. I’m dubious that it’s true. But, true or not, I’m drawn to the story because it illustrates an important way to help someone who’s in a difficult situation: Bestselling author Leo Buscaglia was asked to judge a contest to find the “most caring child.” The winner was a […]