What do chocolate chip cookies and radishes reveal about self-control? Side by side, they’ve taught us some important lessons about willpower and what we can do to increase self-control during even the most difficult conversations and negotiations.
The best conflict resolution and communication skills in the world are little use if we can't access them when we need them most. Self-mastery is about being able to think clearly, respond nimbly, and maintain our equilibrium in the face of difficult and stressful interactions. The following articles offer self-mastery insights from my 20+ years in the field as a mediator and the latest research from psychology, neuroscience and related fields. Use them in your own quest for self-mastery and for helping others.
When a person is very angry, asking or telling them to be reasonable is doomed to fail — here’s why and what to do instead.
Handling blame, defensiveness, and strong reactivity during conflict can challenge both the informal mediators and professional conflict resolvers among us. I’ve found that an evolutionary lens for understanding possible roots of difficult behaviors to be really helpful and want to share it with you.
“Whatever you do, just don’t let me stop running,” I said to my husband as I laced up my running shoes and headed out the door. “I’ll see you at about 9:45. Remember — don’t let me stop!”
It was 1998 and I was training for my first marathon. I’d completed half marathons successfully. I’d been training faithfully, running every day, with a long run after work on Wednesdays and a longer run every weekend. It was early on a Saturday morning and I was about to run 20 miles. That was three miles longer than I’d ever run in my life.
Really good negotiation skills and knowledge won’t completely do the trick. Learning the mechanics of confronting successfully usually isn’t enough. Deeper conflict resolution toolboxes only get you part of the way there.
In February 2012, a large dog named Max had a drama-filled 24 hours and it ended in a good (if tragic) lesson about the dangers of trigger stacking. Here’s how to notice trigger stacking and prevent it from hijacking you.
Years ago, Harvard social psychologist Ellen Langer had a major fire that destroyed most of what she owned. After reviewing the damage and her substantial loss, the insurance agent said a curious thing to Langer: He said that this was the first call he’d ever had where it turned out the damage was worse than the call had indicated.
You wander from room to room Hunting for the diamond necklace That is already around your neck. – Rumi The answer to your conflicts does not lie in yet another conflict resolution skills workshop to add to all that you’ve taken before (skills training may be worthwhile but there comes a point when more is […]