And how to avoid potholes, too
Examining mental models
Mental models are the explanations and pictures we naturally construct in our heads to make sense of the world and our experiences. Our mental models heavily influence our conflict stories. We disagree better when we understand the ways this "invisible architecture" of the mind can help or hinder us.
3 reasons they won’t change their behavior–and what to do about it
Changing our minds is exhausting.
Upstream conflict resolution
Get ahead of acute or chronic conflict.
Every conflict contains a bid to be seen
I matter.
Avoid this common blunder when confronting difficult behavior
Welcome to Do-Land.
Blame vs contribution (and how to make the shift adroitly)
Intention matters.
A lesson in compassion and understanding from a most annoying woman
Thank you, Universe.
Flip the problem to illuminate hidden solutions
Prevent your natural negativity bias from hijacking your smarts.
Doubt your conflict story
It’ll steer you wrong.
A visualization for letting go of things you can’t change
Find a quiet spot for two minutes.
This common (but faulty) reasoning leads to bad decisions
Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy.
The Picasso trick for better problem solving
Love is blind.
A good way to overcome resistance
Stop trying to persuade them out of their resistance.
A surprisingly effective way to handle behavior problems
What would Bart Millar do?
When negotiations get stuck, be sure you do this
It’s not news that understanding the other person’s key interests is a crucial skill for your negotiation skills toolbox. I knew that when I went into the contract negotiation in the following story…and I almost blew it anyway. It took a question born out of desperation to teach me that some interests can be elusive, […]
Better problem solving starts with this essential habit
Challenging problems often demand that we push beyond familiar options and explore new territory in order to solve them. But leaving the familiar behind is uncomfortable and sometimes unpleasant. When we can stop ourselves from hurrying out of the “groan zone” and doing the important work we need to do there, our problem solving is […]
A good rule of thumb when responding to difficult behavior
Under-match the behavior.
How to deal with difficult people
How to deal with difficult people? It’s one of the most frequent questions I’m asked in my workshops and by readers, friends, and grad students. Here’s my strategy for dealing with difficult people and why it so consistently works. Occasionally I am difficult. I don’t set out to be difficult and I may not even […]
Your memory about what happened is probably wrong
Memory doesn’t exist to help us perfectly recall things in our lives. It’s there to help us survive. And to do its job properly, memory must evolve. Here’s a quick recap of the ways memory is flawed and why arguing about the accuracy of memories is like running on a gerbil wheel and expecting to get somewhere new.
Quick to blame but slower to give credit? Beware of this thinking error
When an action has bad impact, how you think about that impact can play a significant role in triggering and escalating blame and conflict. And despite how rational you believe you are, there’s a thinking error that can lead you down a very irrational path. It’s called the Knobe Effect. Cognitive (thinking) errors are thought […]