We belong to each other. – Mother Teresa
Good problem-solving process
The way we structure and orchestrate a problem-solving conversation influences not only how the conversation unfolds, but also the solutions that become visible and the quality of participation.
Upstream conflict resolution
Get ahead of acute or chronic conflict.
How to disagree better
Have better disagreements in your personal and professional relationships.
Choosing the right conflict resolution tools
3 questions for choosing the right tool at the right time.
Start with a small yes
Use the psychology of agreement to start your conversation right.
Slow down and be the Bedouin
It’s all about frame of reference.
Do the next right thing
The best kind of experiment.
4 handy principles for deciding when you can’t agree
Fallback criteria save the day. Again.
Is the Einstellung effect interfering with your problem solving?
Another cognitive trap just waiting to spring on you.
The type of problem that makes conflict resolution harder
That damn gravity.
3 ways to turn adversaries into problem-solving partners
Stop trying to wrangle people into things. It’s way too much work.
When it seems trivial, pay close attention
Sit up straight. You’re missing something.
Future-proof an agreement with a premortem
No DeLorean needed.
When negotiations get stuck, be sure you do this
It’s not news that understanding the other person’s key interests is a crucial skill for your negotiation skills toolbox. I knew that when I went into the contract negotiation in the following story…and I almost blew it anyway. It took a question born out of desperation to teach me that some interests can be elusive, […]
When the win-win solution is obscure
Learn from my pathetic post-grad school salary negotiation.
Sweeping conflict under the rug
What is that bump under the rug?
2 smart principles for resolving everyday disagreements
Not all disagreements require long talks to resolve them sufficiently. Sometimes you can use a pre-agreed principle to get them done and get on with your day. Here are two worth considering for your workplace team or family.
Think with your hands for better problem solving
New research is challenging the notion that thinking, problem solving, and decision making take place strictly in the head. And finally giving me some credibility after years of placing interactive toys in the middle of my mediation table. How do you put 17 animals in four pens in such a way that there is an […]
Friction with a colleague? Ask for a favor
When friction enters a working relationship, sometimes the best path through isn’t to dissect it and talk about it. Sometimes the best path through is an indirect one — ask for a favor from them. Just like Ben Franklin suggested.
How starting a difficult conversation is like opening Fibber McGee’s closet
Starting a difficult conversation (or negotiation or mediation) can feel like opening Fibber McGee’s closet — chaotic, overwhelming, and hope-sucking. But don’t run. A colleague shared the closet metaphor with me years ago and I’ve passed it along to countless others since. The messy, over-filled hall closet was a running gag on the 1930s-1950s radio […]
Making peace with the conflict groan zone
“Get me outta here!” That’s the thought a lot of people have during workplace conflict. It’s the thought you have if you’re uncomfortable with conflict: I don’t like this. It’s messy. Maybe even painful. Get me outta here! It’s the thought you have if you’re too comfortable with conflict: This is going nowhere good. I’m […]
Before you start solving a problem, be sure you do this
Design thinking is helping designers, engineers, and entrepreneurs solve problems more successfully and develop better products. Here’s how conflict resolvers can use one of design thinking’s most powerful steps to achieve better outcomes.
6 contradictory ways to spark creative problem solving
If you’re trying to solve a tough problem, is it better to push on through or take a brain break? Is it better to be out in nature or will the sidewalk do? Is it better to build on an offered idea or disagree and criticize it? Yes.
The 9-dot puzzle (redux)
The 9-dot puzzle has been around for a while now, so maybe you’ve seen it. It’s a permanent resident of my conflict resolution activities toolbox. Here’s what it is and how I use it in conflict resolution to help clients problem-solve more creatively (as well as a Part 2 of the exercise that may be […]
A liberating new approach to making hard choices
One of the hardest tasks I face as a mediator and coach is helping people make big, difficult choices for themselves. Here’s how I use a refreshing and liberating new framework to help my clients decide between options when there is no clear frontrunner.
Walk it out to work it out
If you want to boost creative problem solving or get a fresh perspective, then get up from your conference room table and climb out of those comfy living room chairs. Walking is better.
How to be a problem-solving superhero without fixing it yourself
It can feel very gratifying to sort out a sticky problems for other people. But the fixer habit can backfire, leaving you burned out and them not used to handling problems themselves. Years ago, a student came to my office with a problem. I was a dean at the time and I had many appointments […]
The uncommon art of masterful problem framing
Uncommon but also learnable.
I’m getting blamed for everything
A lesson from theatrical improv can teach us a powerful way to respond effectively to blame. “I’m getting blamed for everything,” she said. “Every time I talk to my husband about our problems, he blames me.” She wanted to know, understandably, how to stop the cycle and the blameshifting. Mediators ask me how to manage […]
Starting conflict resolution: Big or small issues first?
Is it better to start with the biggest issues, then work out the ancillary or other smaller issues? Or will you be better off sorting out a bunch of smaller issues before taking on the big one? Here’s how to decide.