Disagree Better
Good listening skills and habits, good questions, and word choice contribute to effective communication. We disagree better when we align our verbal and nonverbal communication with intentions and attitudes that foster connection and build rapport.
I’m thrilled to announce my brand new online course on staying calm, cool, and collected in conflict, negotiations, and confrontations.
As of right this second, I’m taking earlybird registrations for Calm, Cool, and Collected and I’ve got an introductory offer for those of you who sign up early.
Calm, Cool, and Collected is an online course for people who want to…
Really good negotiation skills and knowledge won’t completely do the trick. Learning the mechanics of confronting successfully usually isn’t enough. Deeper conflict resolution toolboxes only get you part of the way there.
In February 2012, a large dog named Max had a drama-filled 24 hours and it ended in a tragic lesson about the dangers of trigger stacking. Here’s how to notice trigger stacking and prevent it from hijacking you. Max’s day of drama began when he chased a fox out onto the thin ice of a […]
Years ago, Harvard social psychologist Ellen Langer had a major fire that destroyed most of what she owned. After reviewing the damage and her substantial loss, the insurance agent said a curious thing to Langer: He said that this was the first call he’d ever had where it turned out the damage was worse than the call had indicated.
Just don’t do it, ok?
Getting unhooked from interpersonal conflict is not unlike freeing yourself from a barbed wire fence. There you are, squeezing between two rows of barbed wire, on your way to reaching a beautiful flower you wish to photograph, and the wool sweater your grandmother knitted you inadvertently becomes snagged. You are thwarted in your attempt to continue on. There is no going forward until you free yourself.
It’s so simple to advise, “Don’t take it personally.” And yet, too often, it’s utterly useless advice to someone in conflict. There’s something else they have to do first, before they can hope to stop taking it personally:
They have to take it more personally.
We are natural storytellers, so it’s no surprise that we would tell stories about our conflicts, too. Story-making and story-telling about our conflict is natural and not, on its own, a problem. The problem comes with our attachment to those stories and our mistaken belief that our story is a retelling of The Truth.
Trying to control anger by focusing on angry thoughts and hurt feelings is like fanning the flames. It’s far more effective to pretend you’re a fly on the wall of a situation, new research confirms. In situations that trigger anger, you probably tend to focus on your anger and hurt, trying to understand it, get […]
Knowing your conflict hooks and how to handle them is like having a conflict resolution magic wand: You have portable power to turn the little conflicts into nothing and the bigger conflicts into manageable ones.