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Tammy Lenski

Tammy Lenski

Disagree better | Tammy Lenski

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Maintaining composure

Think clearly and stay calm in the face of difficult interactions.

Maintaining composure

Anger resets

Like a reset button for your emotions.

Maintaining composure

The non-comeback comeback after an insult

Well, that’s the first time I’ve been called a lemming.

Maintaining composure

Introducing QueryCards

Self-coaching questions for conflict resolution.

Maintaining composure

Three alternatives to rumination after an argument

Never has a rubber duck been more helpful.

Maintaining composure

An uncomplicated way to reduce the pitfalls of emotional memories during conflict resolution

Don’t suppress or stifle — shift.

Maintaining composure

How to stop ruminating at night (other times too)

Go ahead, cozy on up to it.

Maintaining composure

A way to turn anger into curiosity

We’ll call this the George Takei method.

Maintaining composure

Control emotions better by labeling them

For once, labels are a good thing.

Maintaining composure

Ask yourself this kind of question when an argument rattles you

Use a centering question to get your balance back.

Maintaining composure

Fighting in a relationship: The gift of anger

I blew my top and my friend surprised me.

Maintaining composure

You make me so angry!

Just because they happen to be the one standing in front of you…

Maintaining composure

4 quick techniques to help you think straight in an argument

Access your good skills when you need them most.

Maintaining composure

Anxiety about a difficult conversation? Try this.

What a good use of 10 minutes.

Maintaining composure

A super simple method for regaining self-control

Just a trip down memory lane.

Maintaining composure

De-escalate anger with this straightforward invitation

Anger is a signal, not a defect.

Maintaining composure

Want someone to calm down? Don’t do this

I’ve written that anger is a messenger that won’t shut up until its message is heard and understood. But if the anger is so big or so loud you can’t hear straight, there are things you can do to help someone calm down. And a few things you shouldn’t do…like these five missteps. I’ve written […]

Maintaining composure

Want more self-control during conflict? Try appealing to your future self

Conflict can rob you of two precious mental faculties useful for sorting things out: The ability to view the situation from the other person’s perspective and the ability to check your impulses. New research suggests that your future self can help you recapture those abilities. Confrontations and conflict require self-control to resist the tempting words […]

Maintaining composure

The real message anger is trying to deliver

During conflict, focusing mostly on anger’s behavior instead of on anger’s real message is like burying the lede in a news story. It was the first day of high school journalism class for American journalist and filmmaker Nora Ephron. The subject of the day was how to write a lede. He began with a set […]

Maintaining composure

The art of dealing with insults

A traditional Zen koan, or story.

Maintaining composure

5 uncomplicated ways to gain psychological distance during conflict (and why you should)

When you’re stuck on a problem or feeling angry, briefly distancing yourself psychologically from the current circumstances can give you emotional relief and actually help you solve the problem. Here are four simple and potent ways to gain psychological distance (and help others do the same) when you’re spinning your wheels in a conflict conversation.

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  • Safeguarding the space between
  • Fine-tuning communication
  • Maintaining composure
  • Recognizing mental models
  • Choosing good process