Conflict coaches and professional mediators like me help people unclutter and untangle conflicts. We know how to step into the puzzle with you and figure out what pieces go where. With the right thoughts, you can do it for yourself, too.
Here are 20 ways to move yourself toward the simple, uncluttered thoughts that will unlock complexity. But don’t read them all now.
Bookmark this list and come back to it as a reference for those times you’re stuck in a conflict situation and need a little guidance and inspiration.
- Have a centering question you can use when you need it
- Empty your teacup
- Shift how you think about conflict
- De-escalate with genuine listening, not the fake technique-y crap
- When things heat up, calm yourself
- Acquaint yourself with your own hot buttons
- Take the long view
- Choose to adopt a “mind like water” attitude
- Refuse to accept the gift of an insult
- Make peace with the groan zone
- Avoid the 7 phrases you can’t say in conflict resolution
- Learn the mediator’s secret for good listening
- Bring a beginner’s mind to the conversation
- Separate intention from impact
- Forget fault, consider contribution instead
- Don’t offer disingenuous apologies
- Distinguish acknowledgment from agreement
- Beware the “tweaking CC”
- Remove “always” and “never” from your argument vocabulary
- When you blow it, be patient with yourself